BIG woman problems ahead for me. Advice urgenty sought ?

My g/f of six months belives i spent 8 years in the Parachute Regiment. I have even brought some second hand body armour for bedroom games and her nickname for me is '; Serge';


Problem i have now is she has booked us both to do a charity parachute jump at the w/e and i am so very very scared of heights the very thought of jumping out of an aeroplane losens my bowels.


I need advice here .


Telling the truth is , obviously , not an option nor can i do the jump but i really do need to save face.


Regards ,


Sargent Shaft.BIG woman problems ahead for me. Advice urgenty sought ?
O GO on jump,just forget the parachute.do the female race a faver.Mr shaft. IT.BIG woman problems ahead for me. Advice urgenty sought ?
I don't believe it for a minute, but the solution is easy. Just say you left the Para's because you had a scare, that made you frightened of heights.
last jump you did went badly wrong, you almost killed a mate, lost your nerve and vowed never to jump again
hummmm..... why does she believe that?! could it be you have been telling a few porkies?!?!


you have 2 options, tell her the truth, or jump!


Liars always get found out, and i think its fair to say ';you are screwed!!';


Great start of the relationship there for you, good going.
you made your bed now lie in it
';the very thought of jumping out of an aeroplane losens my bowels.';





ummm get an enima before you go eh?
What a prat you are ! Telling the truth is your only option, and in future leave the Rambo stuff for the guys who are laying their lives on the line to protect your freedoms, you pathetic wimp.
I understand telling a lie when you meet someone in a bar, but what the heck, I mean if you continue to have a relationship you should at least man up and tell the truth. If you are really that dead set on continuing this lie then strap on that parachute. Guess you are really stuck between a rock and a hard case here. My vote is always for telling the truth. People need to learn to take responsibility for their actions.
';Big woman problems?'; Find a thinner woman! JK, JK! I couldn't resist.





Skydiving is scary as heck. One error will mean your demise, and it won't be pleasant.





Maybe you can injure yourself intentionally, and avoid the occasion altogether.





Just tell her the truth, because if she'll dump you for lack of that ';prestige,'; then you have other things coming.
First off, I hope you don't care about this girl very much. When she finds out, you're screwed. Now, just tell her. It will come out sometime and it's better sooner than later.
Part of me urges me to tell you to confess and be honest. However, you could 'confess' that you can't do the jump because of an incident that occurred during a tour of duty. Your best mate and 'brother' died tragically in your arms following an accident involving parachuting and you've vowed never to do it again in his honour. Sprinkle in some tears and curl yourself up in a ball to add realism to your regression. She'll soon cancel the jump out of respect for your fallen comrade!
tell the truth as a joke
Sorry, Shaft, I was laughing so hard, I've wet my pants.





It reminds me of a friend of mine that lies also. According to him, he used to drive for the RCT (Royal Corps of Transport) yet he's done a parachute jump, and he was also selected to do sniper training. I think he forgets that he told me, when I first met him, that he used to serve in the Territorial Army, and not the regular Army.





Are you serious?





Tizzy, I hope you were joking when you said you'd given up men. I was so looking forward to getting to know you.
Either way, you need to do some quick thinking. If your story is true (and it doesn't come actross as being genuine, but what the hell, it's none of my business if you are a fantasist) one of 2 things will happen - you'll need to chicken out of the jump and your girlfriend will realise the truth, or you can go and look ridiculous when you burst into tears and can't do it.





I'm not encouraging you to lie here - but as lying seems to be your forte, tell her you're unwell and can't do the jump this time.





Good luck, you're going to need it.
the truth is always the way. Unless you're a wimp....
thats what you get for lieing in the first place. suck it up. it can only hurt for a minute.
ha hahahaha....she knows already mate.





That's why she's gettin' you to do it in the first place.





Do you think your burd is really that thick that she wouldn't have sussed you by now??
just pull a muscle in the morning....





any muscle.





did you spend the 8 years in prison ?
serves you right for telling porkies gonna have to jump and enjoy it!!!! think of the charity!!!!
Break an ankle. now.
I was in the South African Army and did many jumps some in the day and several at night. The only advice I can give you is that you should not have any problems doing a tandem jump as when the aircraft is up you are so high up it does not register as it would if you were on top of a tall building and step ladders.


The only other alternative is to tell her that you would low to do the jump but after all the jumps you have done in the army you have a bad back and don't want to risk hurting it again.
I feel your shafting me right now - you cant be serious!?!?!
If you are planning on a long term relationship with this person the truth will come out in the end. It will hurt her far more hearing the truth from someone else believe me!!





Otherwise, I would say you have something arranged you can't change or be ill on the day.





I suspect the fact she has arranged this she may just have some suspicions already?!!





Perhaps you should go on the Jeremy Kyle show??
hahahahhahahahhahhahhahahhahahha!!!!





serves you right!!!





go on to the medical sites and find out what condition you can blag that would prevent you jumping (probably some kind of middle ear infection,affects balance and would pop at altitude)





or be a man and do the jump-after all how bad can it be?


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argh


squelch!!!





hahahahahahahahahahaha!
what you need is a body double...I'll ring my agent and find out if Daniel Craig is available....x
You are a perfect example of why I am going off men.


Why did you bother telling that lie in the first place? I can't say that lie would've impressed me much.





I think you should jump.
hahaha u prat......God im glad i decided not to have another man after my previous partner lied to me....you are a perfect example of why I made that decision...just jump you coward
obviously, telling the truth is not an option. i see a great future for you two.





you're such a freakin retard, you couldn't make up a good lie.


why didn't you pick something else than parachutes if you're afraid of heights. what a dumbass!





that's it, Sargent you have to get sick for that day, but make it something believable, like breaking your leg or dying or something
Well, I'm interested that you've posted this in 'Mental Health'. Perhaps this is just a mickey take, but if not, it would seem that some part of you knows you are not mentally healthy. To say that 'telling the truth is, obviously, not an option' makes clear that you have real problems with your self-image. If you cannot believe you would be acceptable without creating a false image of who you are, you presumably don't feel too positive about the real you. This is what really needs addressing. You will never have a relationship that makes you feel good while you lie, because if someone seems to like you, you will know in your heart of hearts it's not really you they like.





Tell your girlfriend the truth, including what you have really done with your life. Either she will like the glimpse of the real you you have given her, or the relationship was pointless anyway. And for goodness sake, get some help (eg counselling/psychotherapy) so that you can get real with yourself and other people. Something is badly wrong and my hunch is that you have had to pretend to be someone other than who you are since you were very young. It must feel ghastly, but get honest, get real and get help.
fake a leg injury
Just run....